Little Earthquakes
by Nest Freemark
Summary: A very angsty fic about Ginny, her obsession with Hemione and a deep depression. Warning: slash and cutting.
1. Beware The Earthquake

Disclaimer: The Harry Potter characters do not belong to me, they belong to J.K. Rowling.

Warning: Slash and cutting.

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Little Earthquakes

Chapter 1: Beware The Earthquake

  
  
Ginny looked at the blood on her wrist. _The most beatiful shade of red. Not like all the red on me.. or surrounding me. A fascinating red. Sexy. A seductive red._ She took some paper and put it onto her wrist with her other hand and lie down on the toilet floor. She felt warm and relaxed. _It feels like I had an orgasm. Maybe I had one... in a another level._   
  
She didn't know how long she had lied there. _Nobody's looking out for little precious Ginny. Wonder how long I could lie here unnoticed?_ But she wasn't going to find out. _That would mean questions._ And if she was unlucky; Madam Pomfrey. _They can never know about the cuts. They would make me stop. They wouldn't understand. This is the only way I can survive. I need this._

********

  
  
_I don't know if I could give up cutting for you. I really don't know. But I would try._  
  
Ginny sat alone in a corner of the library pretending to study. She had been watching her for an hour now. _Hermione. The most beatiful name on earth. Your name is not only in my head twenty-four seven, your name is on me, on my body. I'm forever marked as your property. Whether you want it or not. Or should I say. Whether you know it or not._

if I only could  
take your hand  
dream away  
no questions asked

********

  
  
It was around two in the morning. Ginny sat on the toilet seat where she had been seated for an hour now. She hadn't been sleeping properly for ages. 

__

so it's not my fault  
this is not really me  
I blame it all on the nightmare hotel  
where the cockroaches aren't  
the biggest problem

  
  
Voices. In her head. Outside her head? She fell fainting to the floor.

********

  
  
A/N: It's not the end… I'm not that evil. I'm planning to do a long fic.. All the poetry is written by me if I don't say otherwise. The title 'Little Earthquakes' is from a Tori Amos cd with that name.


	2. All The Pain

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Chapter 2: All The Pain

Ginny woke up and knew directly where she was. _Madam Pomfrey._ She kept her eyes closed but listened carefully. _Mum. Dad._ She couldn't hear Ron but she knew he was there. Most likely sitting in a chair all quiet with a painful glimt in his eyes. And she wanted to throw up.

__

try to ignore the tears in their eyes  
but they burn on my skin

  
  
_Sick._ She felt really sick. _Scared._ She hadn't known that being terrified included physical pain. Now she knew why the Cruciatus Curse could end with a trip to St. Mungo's. She wanted to rip herself into pieces. _Anything to ease this pain._ She couldn't stop the tears any longer. She cursed herself for her weakness. She cursed everybody in the room for seing her like that. And she cried.

__

I have nothing left  
to loose  
in a sea of tears  
you can't recognize  
anything new

  
  
Arms around her doing more harm than any cut ever had. Everything was happening too fast. The fact that things were about to change scared the shit out of her. _A change is not equal with a change to the better. What if I'm left in this state of mind. Or worse. And they wont let anything happen to their precious little Ginny. That means no more blood._

********

  
Voices asking her how she's feeling. Voices assuring her that things will get better.

__

all the pain  
and the  
bloodstains  
on my pretty  
white dress  
the kitchenknife is  
in the sink  
maybe, maybe  
I can wash away this mess

  
  
She couldn't deal with this right now. She begged them to give her something to make her sleep. The world became black again and she was given temporary peace.

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A/N: It was hard to write but here it is. I'll hope you enjoyed it. Thank you reviewers and readers. 


	3. Don't Forget

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Chapter 3: Don't Forget

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Hermione's skin against her tounge. Warm, sweet, salt, sugar. A natural intoxicant. Robes taken off. More areas to explore. Gasps. Hands caressing. Blood. Blood? Cries of pain. Terrified eyes looking at the spot that just a second before was caressed and now bleeding. "I can't stand you touching me…"

Ginny woke up and sighed. The dream felt too close to reality to be classified as a nightmare. _She would never let me touch her. Wouldn't find it weird if she actually started to bleed._

i'm my worst critic  
maybe the only one  
but it doesn't matter  
i still feel like none

********

__

Suicide safe. Ginny looked around in the bathroom. Not even a mirror. _Maybe I could drown myself in the toilet but that would be too disgraceful, even for me._ She sat down on the toilet seat and looked down on her wrist. _Wonder if they've seen my other scars. My 'Hermione'._

A knock on the door. Madam Pomfrey's worried voice asking if she's ready. _No peace for little Ginny._ She stood up with a sigh and walked out.

********

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"Why Ginny?"

"I don't know."

"Did we do anything wrong?"

"Yes. If it weren't for you everything would be perfectly fine! For fuck sake! Don't look like that. I was being sarcastic. Don't ask so stupid questions!"

Ginny tought back on the mornings conversation. It had felt ok to talk to them. Not that good. Just ok. She really felt she needed to state the fact that everything wasn't suddenly fine. _So that I don't forget._

i always believe them  
i always forget  
and sooner or later  
i'm down there again

********

__

Wonder what Hermione was doing here. She's a friend. I'm jut being paranoid. Of course she looks at me with pity. I'm fucking mental case. She doesn't know anything. She can not know! Ginny was completely unaware of the fact that she was tearing her arm open by scratching it furiously.

Again she was put to sleep by Madam Pomfrey. _This is growing into a habit…_

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A/N: It's been a while. I'm lazy.. Bad Nest! *kicks herself* Flowers to all the reviewers and readers. And everybody else too. Just because i'm so nice!


	4. Wondrous Kisses

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Chapter 4: Wondrous Kisses

Ginny studied herself in the bathroom mirror. Critical eyes going through every inch of her face. She had gotten more color. _Too bad. I kinda liked the pale look._ It had been a moth since that day when they found out. Things were a little better. Of course it hadn't been completely painless. She had cut herself a few times afterwards. But she had been "clean" for a week now. They all were so happy and asked her if she was alright repeatedly. _How can they believe I feel ok with all this fuss around me all the time? If don't get some privacy soon i'll really go nuts._

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_She looks beautiful today. Not that she's ever ugly. Does she wear make-up? A bit mascara… and some lip gloss…_ Ginny studied Hermione closely.  
  
"Ginny?"  
  
_Oh those lips.. Are they moving?_  
  
"Ginny! Are you paying attention?"  
  
"Of course I am." Ginny did her best to look innocent.  
  
"So what were we studying?"  
  
_You._ "We were..um..spells." Ginny sighed and gave up.  
  
"Potions. We were studying potions. If you don't concentrate you'll never catch up. Please Ginny. Try."  
  
_Why can't she just scream at me. Does she, do everybody have be so damn understanding?_ Ginny felt close to tears. _Not again. Why do I have to be such a oversensetive cow?_ She turned away from Hermione's gaze just in time to feel a tear run down her cheek.  
  
"Ginny?"  
  
Arms around her stroking her back softly. Ginny looked up and saw Hermione's face just inches from her own. _She looks so strong. So warm._ Before she could change her mind she leaned over and her lips touched Hermione's. It was totally overwhelming to be so close her. To breathe her in. Cautiously she opened her mouth and let the tip of her tongue touch Hermione's lower lip. The sensiation of something so wondrous against her tounge made her dizzy. Hermione opened her mouth and their tongues met in a gentle kiss. It was all to much for Ginny who started to cry again. She was clinging to Hermione who just held her tight.  
  
"Did you know about the scar?" Ginny asked after a while.  
  
"Yes, i did. I was the one who found you. You didn't have much on at the time. I just didn't want to bring it up when you were feeling bad." Hermione looked into Ginny eyes and smiled a bit. "I hadn't planned to tell you this soon." Ginny looked a bit insecure. "Not that I don't mind." Hermione planted a quick kiss on Ginny's lips.  
  
Ginny hadn't felt so good in a long time. _Maybe things will turn ok._

in your arms, darling  
i feel fine  
but you can't be there  
all the time

********

  
  
A/N: It's NOT the end! Everything doesn't turn fantastic after a kiss. Ginny still have a depression. So she has Hermione now. But she still has to cope with herself. And I love you readers and reviewers! I want to marry all of you! Yes!


	5. Braver Than Yesterday

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Chapter 5: Braver Than Yesterday

  
  
It was summer break. Ginny lied in Hermione's bed and the both girls were asleep. Both families knew about their relaionship and took it pretty good. Ginny's family were grateful that Ginny was doing better and they knew and trusted Hermione. Ron had been the least accepting but after a fight with Ginny where she enlighthed him in some of her "past reality" and asked him if he wanted things to be that way again he went pale and turned more approving. Hermione's parents had known about her "situation" for a while now. She didn't like to keep secrets and her parets where almost a bit grateful. Being gay was something they at least could understand unlike the many wonders their daughter more and more started to see as her reality.

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it has been fine  
far to long  
i can feel the storm  
coming along  
high waves running  
though my veins  
lying on the floor  
got to keep it sain

  
  
_Ginny felt the usual satisfaction when she saw the blood streaming from the fresh cut. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She felt so calm. So peaceful. She was floating in a daze of pleasure when she heard a furious voice taking her down and bashing her right into reality._  
  
_"Ginny? How could you do this to me?"_  
  
_Ginny lied there listening to the angry voice that slowly faded away and she was left alone. So utterly alone._  
  
"Ginny?"  
  
Warm arms aroud her.  
  
Ginny sobbed against Hermione's shoulder. "I dreamt that i cut myself and you hated me and left me."  
  
Hermione strengthened the embrace and started talking in a soft soothing voice. "I would never leave you. Of course I would be sad but that's because I don't want you to hurt. If you ever cut yourself then tell me. I will just be there for you and do my best to make you feel well."  
  
"I don't deserve you."  
  
"That's bullshit."  
  
Ginny giggled a little against Hermione's neck. "If you use such harsh words I just have to believe you." She nibbled Hermione in that little special spot that she one night declared as the Ginny's picnic place. _So that you never forget me completely._  
  
"It's early and we're awake…" Ginny moved a bit lower and gave her love's chest little sweet kisses. "...and I have a great idea of how we could make time fly..."  
  
"Oh, you have?"  
  
"Yes… and this is in the way." Ginny pointed down at Hermione's nightdress. "Yes it's nice…mm… nice décolletage. But this has come to a point when one yard of clothing is one yard to much. So if you could sit up quickly and let me undress you." Ginny sat on top of Hermione and spoke seductively. "And as we're working on your overdressed situation we could make those briefs take the same path." Hermione obeyed and soon she was lying there again while Ginny started to explore her body that now was naked.

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That morning Ginny experienced something very new. She hadn't just felt wanted. She had felt safe enough to act seductive. Brave enough to feel sexy. Something had happened to her that morning. Something good. She just hoped it would stay that way.

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A/N: Lots of love to all my friends who read last part. I got 2 reviews. Thank you. And now i'm going to be a little silly… R/R!! I did it! Oh my… I'm so desperate. I do care about reviewes. Silly little me. Yes. So do that.. I think you already did that other part.. The read part… But to that other thing.. You know…


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